omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
