so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
