There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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