It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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