I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
