she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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