he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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