My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
