he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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