I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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