just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
