Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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