You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
