The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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