you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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