I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
