Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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