Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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