Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
