I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
