put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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