I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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