There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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