ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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