insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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