It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
