I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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