I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
