the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
