beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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