He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
