he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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