how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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