4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
