break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
