I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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