i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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