I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
