how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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