Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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