we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
