I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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