your thong is hanging out like whoa
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think my vagina is haunted
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
