I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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