Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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