I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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