I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
