I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
