The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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