Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
