had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
