Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
