we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
