At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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