Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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