well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
