its not stalking. its research.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
