Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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