Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
