If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
