Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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