My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry about my life...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
