She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
