I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
