I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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