Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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