It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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