the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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