Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
