When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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