If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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