Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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